What is Health Coaching?

Originally Published here : https://www.oncio.org/blog/blog-post-what-is-health-coaching

An Introduction to Health Coaching: A Self-Empowering Approach to Sustainable Lifestyle Choices

1. What is health coaching?

Health coaching is an integral part of integrative medicine. It is a uniquely self-empowering approach, supporting you to actively participate in your own care and to improve your health and wellbeing with sustainable lifestyle choices that are important to you.

Health coaching doesn’t involve a a doctor or other health practitioner telling you ‘what’ you need to do. Rather, a coaching approach supports you to put into action the lifestyle choices and decisions that are important and unique to you. It’s about working with a non-judgemental partner who can help you to discover and maintain your motivation, identify challenges and inspire you to take action… at your own pace.

2. The principle of the three-legged stool in health coaching

At the heart of a health coaching relationship is you, a unique individual, seeking to improve your condition through sustainable lifestyle change, or an individual in good health looking at preventative measures to sustain health and wellbeing. On one side, there is the health practitioner, a doctor, nurse or allied health professional with a prescribed care plan and on the other side, is the health coach, a uniquely qualified professional in supporting lifestyle and behaviour change. The power of synergies in this relationship is what makes integrative medicine so effective in improving health outcomes. Health coaching is helping you to create your health goals and to break these down into small, actionable and sustainable steps which lead you on a new journey of health-creation. 

3. The difference between a clinician and a health coach

The role of clinical professionals is to advise and direct patients or clients on the best approach to treat a medical problem or an illness. They often speak from expertise in their field and they provide information about medical conditions and their management. Patients are given choices for treatment, but ultimately, those choices are directed based on clinical protocols and guidelines within the healthcare setting. Health coaches are interested in the client’s personal and medical history, as well as their social and lifestyle habits because all those aspects are usually linked to the manifestation of medical conditions. In other words, health coaches do not see individuals separate to their medical conditions(s), they see them holistically. Health coaches address all 6 lifestyle lenses – physical, emotional, spiritual, social, intellectual, occupational, as these all play a role in health and illness. The role of the health coach is not to advise people about their condition or what to do to improve their health and wellbeing. Instead the health coach supports individuals to make lifestyle changes that are right for them, at a pace that feels right to them.

4. How does health coaching work?

We all want to feel that we’re making choices that improve and support our health and wellness. But very often, although we may know ‘what’ we need to do, we don’t know where or how to start. And even if our motivation is strong, it can be overwhelming – and very challenging – to change the habits created over a lifetime. It can leave us stuck.

Health coaching starts with where you are, working on your agenda, at your pace,

A health coach helps you to get clear on what really is important to you – to find your strong ‘why’ and to keep it front and centre to make new (and sometimes challenging) goals and choices for your future. A health coach is your ally with the knowledge, skills and a tool bag of resources to help you to break-down those challenges and overcome the barriers that can keep you stuck, to keep you accountable in reaching your goal(s). 

A health coach is a professional who works with you as a client directly, or alongside a doctor or other healthcare professional. Some work face-to-face, although most work remotely through video conferencing, giving you the freedom to choose a coach whose experience and skills resonate with you, irrespective of their location.

5. How can health coaching help people affected by cancer throughout their journey? 

More that 50% of all cancers are caused by lifestyle factors, including sedentary lifestyle, overeating and eating highly processed foods, obesity, smoking and alcohol consumption. There are other risk factors including exposure to toxins in our environment, constant stress and lack of sleep, which are connected to cancer, but the precise connection is not yet well understood. The understanding of the lifestyle root causes of cancer can be the impetus for change. This is where health coaching can be most effective, supporting people to make those changes, regardless of the stage they are in the cancer journey.

There is plenty of literature which suggests that health coaching interventions improve physical activity levels, lead to reduction in cholesterol levels, better diet self-management, reduction in diabetes risk, decreased in hospitalisation rate and improved pain severity. 

The American College of Lifestyle Medicine’s (ACLM) Compendium of Health and Wellness Coaching and 2019 Addendum, provides evidence for the application of health coaching as a behaviour change methodology for the prevention and treatment of diabetes, hypertension, hyperlipidaemia, heart disease, cancer, and other chronic disorders. The ACLM concludes that diabetes and heart disease patients may derive the most valuable benefit, but obesity continues to be widely investigated, with positive outcomes apparent from coaching intervention.

6. What can you expect from the process?

The first session is usually exploratory between the health coach and the client, where information about health coaching is offered to the client and an understanding of whether health coaching is for them is established. 

The subsequent sessions are all about individuals’ vision and purpose, values and strengths, priorities and challenges, establishing goal(s) and eliciting internal motivation for change. 

Routine checking of goal accomplishments takes place in the sessions to follow, celebrating successes and also overcoming feelings of ‘failure’. 

The closing session is a reflection of the client achievements and a commitment to sustained change.

The power of health coaching lies in the open questioning, active listening and affirming from the health coach, whilst the client is doing the hard work of self-discovering themselves and holding themselves into account for the goal(s) they have set.

7. How can I be sure that the professional working with me is suitably qualified?

Health coaches come from a wide variety of backgrounds and training and bring different skills and experience to their practice, and it’s important to work with a well-trained, experienced professional. 

Health coaching is not one of the ‘regulated’ health professions like nursing or medicine. However, it is strongly self-regulated by the UK & International Health Coaching Association (UKIHCA), the professional body for health coaching. The Association sets robust professional standards for the education and training of health coaches, approves education and training courses that meet those standards and admits course graduates and other healthcare professionals who satisfy the criteria for Full Membership and have appropriate insurance.

UKIHCA Health Coaches are professionally bound by a clear ‘scope of practice’ which defines the boundaries of what they can – and can’t – do and must always explain what this means to their patient or client. 

An increasing number of doctors, nurses, physiotherapists, nutritionists or integrative practitioners are also qualified as health coaches and can offer both ‘expert’ clinical advice, make recommendations for an intervention and health coaching support. No matter their background, in such cases a clinician must always help their patient or client to understand which role they are taking at various points during the consultation and stay within their scope of practice.

8. What can a Health Coach do… and not do?

Just as it’s important to work with a qualified health coach, it’s important to understand what health coaches can and can’t do when working with you.

As we’ve seen, a health coach is a uniquely qualified expert in supporting lifestyle and sustainable behaviour change. In practice, this means using a wide range of self-empowering tools and techniques to help you to find your ‘why’, identify your health goals, create small steps that lead to big ‘wins’, sustain your motivation - ultimately creating new lifestyle habits to support your health and wellbeing. All at your own pace.

A health coach is not a doctor, a dietitian, a nutritional therapist, a psychologist or a counsellor. Health coaches (unless otherwise qualified) don’t assess symptoms, make diagnoses or treat specific conditions, but they can and do work alongside doctors, registered dietitians, registered nutritional therapists and other health care practitioners.

The UKIHCA have published a Health Coaching Scope of Practice to guide anyone wishing to work with a Health Coach.

9. How to access health coaching for cancer - free (charity-based) and paid options with details 

There are some charity-based health coaching opportunities for people with cancer at any stage in their journey as follows: 

• Penny Brohn UK https://www.pennybrohn.org.uk/

• Yes to Life https://yestolife.org.uk/

• Boutros Bear https://boutrosbear.com/ 

For paid health coaching sessions, whether one-to-one or group health coaching, please visit the UK and International Health Coaching Association and search amongst a range of fully qualified and credentialed health coaching professionals. Do ask if your health coach has had additional training or experience in working with people affected by cancer.

https://www.ukihca.com/

10. Choosing your health coach

Health coaching in not a ‘quick-fix’ – it’s an investment in process for making long-term, sustainable lifestyle and behaviour change. Before reaching out, set aside some time to give some thought to your goals and expectations.Most coaches will encourage you to commit to a three-month programme as it takes at least this amount of time to create the new lifestyle and meaningful change.

Browse the UKIHCA’s Health and Wellness Coach Directory and make a short-list of the Coaches who you feel potentially match your needs. 

Study the coach’s business website (if they have one) - does the content and the tone resonate? Do you get a sense of the person behind the website? 

Health coaches are not doctors or dietitians or nutritional therapists - is this made clear on their profile? 

However, many health coaches are also specifically qualified in other modalities, such a nutrition, personal training, psychotherapy or counselling or they may have medical or nursing qualifications. 

From the outset, it’s important to confirm that a potential coach's qualifications, experience and Scope of Practice and insurance will cover your particular needs.

Read about the coaching packages or programmes on offer and consider the testimonials – do they resonate? Is the price structure clear? 

You may now want to progress to a call with a potential coach and explore whether you are both a good fit – remember this is a two-way process! 

Notice how the conversation makes you feel? Are you being given the opportunity and the space to express your concerns and ask questions? Do you feel heard? Are you receiving responses that feel appropriate and genuinely encouraging? 

Is the coach clearly explaining their Scope of Practice, their methods of working and the approach they will take to helping you to achieve your health and wellness goals? 

The coach will set out the service and/or programmes they offer, discuss the price and the terms of business. Are you clear on this? 

Are you clear on what the coach can help you with and is the conversation leaving you feeling hopeful, optimistic and eager to start your journey?

11. Your next steps

The idea of engaging with a health coach may seem daunting at first, especially if you have been interacting with many healthcare professionals during and after your cancer treatment. 

Health coaching can be a transformational and life-changing experience for many people even at the most difficult times in their lives and we hope that we have given you the knowledge and tools to make the next step in your health coaching journey.

Remember that it is ‘you’ that matters in the relationship with your health coach and it is about you achieving your vision for optimum health and wellbeing.

Expert content written by

• Dr Penny Kechagioglou, Consultant Clinical Oncologist, Co-Founder of Oncio CIC

• Reviewed in collaboration with Izabella Natrins, CEO of UKIHCA

cancer supportcancer carehealth coachingcoaching for cancersurvivorshiptreatment support

What is EFT Tapping?

Originally published on Healthline

What is EFT tapping?

Emotional freedom technique (EFT) is an alternative treatment for physical pain and emotional distress. It’s also referred to as tapping or psychological acupressure.

People who use this technique believe tapping the body can create a balance in your energy system and treat pain. According to its developer, Gary Craig, a disruption in energy is the cause of all negative emotions and pain.

Though still being researched, EFT tapping has been used to treat people with anxiety and people with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).

How does EFT tapping work?

Similar to acupuncture, EFT focuses on the meridian points — or energy hot spots — to restore balance to your body’s energy. It’s believed that restoring this energy balance can relieve symptoms a negative experience or emotion may have caused.

Based on Chinese medicine, meridian points are thought of as areas of the body energy flows through. These pathways help balance energy flow to maintain your health. Any imbalance can influence disease or sickness.

Acupuncture uses needles to apply pressure to these energy points. EFT uses fingertip tapping to apply pressure.

Proponents say the tapping helps you access your body’s energy and send signals to the part of the brain that controls stress. They claim that stimulating the meridian points through EFT tapping can reduce the stress or negative emotion you feel from your issue, ultimately restoring balance to your disrupted energy.

EFT tapping in 5 steps

EFT tapping can be divided into five steps. If you have more than one issue or fear, you can repeat this sequence to address it and reduce or eliminate the intensity of your negative feeling.

1. Identify the issue

In order for this technique to be effective, you must first identify the issue or fear you have. This will be your focal point while you’re tapping. Focusing on only one problem at a time is purported to enhance your outcome.

2. Test the initial intensity

After you identify your problem area, you need to set a benchmark level of intensity. The intensity level is rated on a scale from 0 to 10, with 10 being the worst or most difficult. The scale assesses the emotional or physical pain and discomfort you feel from your focal issue.

Establishing a benchmark helps you monitor your progress after performing a complete EFT sequence. If your initial intensity was 10 prior to tapping and ended at 5, you’d have accomplished a 50 percent improvement level.

3. The setup

Prior to tapping, you need to establish a phrase that explains what you’re trying to address. It must focus on two main goals:

• acknowledging the issues

• accepting yourself despite the problem

The common setup phrase is: “Even though I have this [fear or problem], I deeply and completely accept myself.”

You can alter this phrase so that it fits your problem, but it must not address someone else’s. For example, you can’t say, “Even though my mother is sick, I deeply and completely accept myself.” You have to focus on how the problem makes you feel in order to relieve the distress it causes. It’s better to address this situation by saying, “Even though I’m sad my mother is sick, I deeply and completely accept myself.”

4. EFT tapping sequence

The EFT tapping sequence is the methodic tapping on the ends of nine meridian points.

There are 12 major meridians that mirror each side of the body and correspond to an internal organ. However, EFT mainly focuses on these nine:

• karate chop (KC): small intestine meridian

• top of head (TH): governing vessel

• eyebrow (EB): bladder meridian

• side of the eye (SE): gallbladder meridian

• under the eye (UE): stomach meridian

• under the nose (UN): governing vessel

• chin (Ch): central vessel

• beginning of the collarbone (CB): kidney meridian

• under the arm (UA): spleen meridian

Begin by tapping the karate chop point while simultaneously reciting your setup phrase three times. Then, tap each following point seven times, moving down the body in this ascending order:

• eyebrow

• side of the eye

• under the eye

• under the nose

• chin

• beginning of the collarbone

• under the arm

After tapping the underarm point, finish the sequence at the top of the head point.

While tapping the ascending points, recite a reminder phrase to maintain focus on your problem area. If your setup phrase is, “Even though I’m sad my mother is sick, I deeply and completely accept myself,” your reminder phrase can be, “The sadness I feel that my mother is sick.” Recite this phrase at each tapping point. Repeat this sequence two or three times.

5. Test the final intensity

At the end of your sequence, rate your intensity level on a scale from 0 to 10. Compare your results with your initial intensity level. If you haven’t reached 0, repeat this process until you do.

Does EFT tapping work?

EFT has been used to effectively treat war veterans and active military with PTSD. In a 2013 studyTrusted Source, researchers studied the impact of EFT tapping on veterans with PTSD against those receiving standard care.

Within a month, participants receiving EFT coaching sessions had significantly reduced their psychological stress. In addition, more than half of the EFT test group no longer fit the criteria for PTSD.

There are also some success stories from people with anxiety using EFT tapping as an alternative treatment.

A 2016 reviewTrusted Source compared the effectiveness of using EFT tapping over standard care options for anxiety symptoms. The study concluded there was a significant decrease in anxiety scores compared to participants receiving other care. However, further research is needed to compare EFT treatment with other cognitive therapy techniques.

The bottom line

EFT tapping is an alternative acupressure therapy treatment used to restore balance to your disrupted energy. It’s been an authorized treatment for war veterans with PTSD, and it’s demonstrated some benefits as a treatment for anxiety, depression, physical pain, and insomnia.

While there are some success stories, researchers are still investigating its effectiveness on other disorders and illnesses. Continue to seek traditional treatment options. However, if you decide to pursue this alternative therapy, consult with your doctor first to reduce the likelihood of injury or worsening symptoms.

EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) for support of cancer patients

Emma Roberts is an EFT Master and Master Trainer, Clinical Hypnotherapist and NLP Master Practitioner.

Aga Kehinde is a Cancer Clinical Nurse Specialist, Cancer Coach and Educator, Advanced EFT and NLP practitioner.

Originally published here.

Cancer Can Affect Lives in so many ways.

Experiences of cancer are much more than just about the practicalities of the process.

Dealing with a, many times unexpected, cancer diagnosis may bring feelings of anxiety surrounding the uncertainty, stress, worry, fear of the unknown, fear of the future, obsessing about the past, inability to think straight or act normally.

Patients are often in a state of shock whilst being thrown straight into an ongoing series of decision making, lifestyle changes, work challenges and treatment itself, be that surgery, chemotherapy, radiotherapy or immunotherapy drug treatments. In a nutshell, life as the patient knows it changes at that point, often beyond recognition. They become a ‘cancer patient’ and family, friends and colleagues often relate to them in a different way. A cancer diagnosis can have a massive impact on someone’s identity, and who they are in the world.

Each step in the cancer process generates a range of emotions and stress, for the individual, the caregiver, and the healthcare professionals in contact with the patient at each specific point along the pathway.

Daily exposure to stressful conditions may have an impact on health, sleep and eating habits or paralyse your thoughts and feelings. Sometimes the prolonged and intense experience of stress may cause stress injury or trauma which may possibly even lead to post-traumatic stress disorder in the future.

When you find yourself in a constant state of high stress and anxiety it can make you feel detached or disassociated, almost like your experiences do not seem real. Patients talk of an inability to connect with people and they will often suppress their emotions in order to protect those around them.

EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) is a brief self-applied stress reduction technique using elements of cognitive therapy, with physical stimulation of acupuncture points. It is often referred to as ‘Tapping’ as it uses a two finger tapping process on known acupuncture points.

“Acupoint tapping sends signals directly to the stress centres of the mid-brain, not mediated by the frontal lobes (the thinking part, active in talk therapy).” Dr Dawson Church.

The method was developed in the late 1990s by engineer and performance coach Gary Craig and inspired largely from the work of Dr. Roger Callahan, developer of Thought Field Therapy (TFT). EFT is simple to learn and complements both the medical and the alternative models of healthcare.

The tapping can be particularly supportive for patients who are experiencing emotional impact and physical side effects of their cancer diagnosis and treatment. The effectiveness of their outcome is enhanced as a result.

It empowers cancer patients to manage their own emotional wellbeing at a time when they may feel helpless and frightened. It is a tool that is literally at their fingertips, meaning they can use it any time they need, including before hospital appointments, scans, surgery etc. It has been well documented that the calmer the patient is, the less side effects seem to arise. The tapping gives patients the opportunity to find renewed meaning in life and to develop emotional resilience, to better be able to deal with the issues that result from their cancer diagnosis and treatment.

As we begin to notice, acknowledge, and transform how we carry our emotions, we begin to see just how this may be contributing to pain, illness, or other personal challenges. By using EFT, we can reconnect with our innate sense of unshakeable wellbeing by releasing the intensity of emotions and transforming the way uncomfortable feelings like hurt, guilt, fear, or anger may be impacting our everyday experience. We become more considered and less reactive in our approach to our life.

Research

There is now more than 20 years of research and over 170 published research studies showing that EFT has statistically significant positive results across a range of different conditions, decreasing phobias, anxiety and relieving symptoms of PTSD, chronic pain and many more.

The CDC (Centre for Disease Control) states that approximately 85-90% of all illnesses and diseases have an emotional component behind them. When we remove the emotional issue, the illness or dis-ease or pain will often lessen or disappear.

How EFT works

The mechanisms behind EFT include deactivation of the amygdala (stress centre in the brain) and hippocampus (memory centre).

Using tapping will not only allow you to reduce stress immediately but will also allow you to safely process past memories that may have contributed to the intensity of your current stress response.

With the fight and flight response we are wired for action, and when the threat is not real but more a continuum of the anxiety mode, we are using an extremely high amount of energy and body resources. It is vital for our physical and mental wellbeing to move from the stress response to a relaxed state as quickly and as often as possible.

EFT has also been shown to significantly lower cortisol levels. When we are under stress, the prefrontal cortex of the brain, our rational thinking brain, goes “offline”, and our body’s level of adrenaline and cortisol increase. The tapping has been shown to calm the amygdala and bring us back to a more resourceful state.

Research on gene expression indicates EFT has the ability to down regulate genes associated with the stress response, and up-regulate or improve immune functioning.

“EFT is a true mind-body approach in that it includes direct interventions at the level of the body, it changes brain activity very rapidly and it has special advantages in quickly and permanently shifting outdated emotional learnings’’. Dr Peta Stapleton.

There is a growing research to how  EFT can support  and Cancer which you can access here 

Let’s explore what EFT is NOT…

EFT does not claim to offer a cure for cancer but it is a powerful support for positive well-being and building your confidence so you can play an active role in your healing.

EFT is NOT a replacement for adequate mental health counselling or physiological treatment.

References

1. Clinical EFT as an evidence-based practice for the treatment of psychological and physiological conditions: A systematic review.

2. Preliminary Support for Emotional Freedom Techniques as a Support for Cancer Patients | Foundation for Alternative and Integrative Medicine.

3. Kalroozi, F., Moradi, M., Ghaedi‐Heidari, F., Marzban, A., & Raeisi‐Ardali, S. R. (2022). Comparing the effect of emotional freedom technique on sleep quality and happiness of women undergoing breast cancer surgery in military and nonmilitary families: A quasi‐experimental multicenter study. Perspectives in Psychiatric Care, 58(4), 2986–2997.

4. Tack, L., Lefebvre, T., Lycke, M., Langenaeken, C., Fontaine, C., Borms, M., Hanssens, M., Knops, C., Meryck, K., Boterberg, T., Pottel, H., Schofield, P., & Debruyne, P. R. (2021). A randomised wait-list controlled trial to evaluate Emotional Freedom Techniques for self-reported cancer-related cognitive impairment in cancer survivors (EMOTICON). EClinicalMedicine, 39, 101081. MEDLINE Complete. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.eclinm.2021.101081.

5. Liu, J., Yang, L., Chen, J. (2017). Effect of emotional freedom technique on perceived stress, anxiety and depression in cancer patients: a preliminary experiment. Modern Clinical Nursing, 16(10):34-38. doi: 10.3969/j.issn.1671-8283.2017.10.008.

6. Baker, B. & Hoffman, C. (2015). Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT) to reduce the side effects associated with tamoxifen and aromatase inhibitor use in women with breast cancer: A service evaluation. European Journal of Integrative Medicine 7(2), 136-42. DOI:10.1016/j.eujim.2014.10.004.

Meet Me Where I am

How to be the best support you can for your loved one with cancer.

I am affected by cancer, not in the straightforward way, as we commonly understand what being ‘affected by cancer’ means but in a many different ways.

When I started my career as a nurse about lifetime ago (20 years) I learned about what cancer was, but had no direct experience of it.  

Fast-forward to now  I hardly know a family where cancer has not made a mark on their lives, including mine.

According to a recent Macmillan report, one in two people born after 1960 in the UK will be diagnosed with some sort of cancer during their lifetime . It is inevitable we will be in a position of having a loved one affected directly by it.  And I’m concerned we aren’t emotionally equipped to deal with this.

When my own father got cancer it was hard to navigate my emotions and feelings around it.

I was going through similar emotions and reaching scary places at the same time he was. I was anxious, confused, angry, disappointed, hopeless, not sure what to do and what to say, shocked and really worried.

All my anxiety was driven by the different experiences with cancer that I’d encountered through my 20 years of cancer nursing. I started to panic.

It was really difficult to know what to say what not to say, how should I behave what should I know , what should I do? What is acceptable and what should I avoid doing

And despite all my life knowledge and experience with this matter I still found myself questioning who should I be for my dad?  His nurse, coach, therapist, mentor or should I just simply remain his daughter?

All of a sudden I lost my ability to see clearly who am I in this relationship.

I know I would’ve struggled even more  if I didn’t know as much about the procedures, prognosis, potential treatment side effects and consequences of cancer itself. I would struggle if I didn’t know when to pull out and when to interfere.

And I know he would struggle if I kept being his nurse , coach and mentor.  

So here’s what I learned when my father had cancer - I hope you never need to know this stuff, but chances are, one day you will.

#1 Gently explore your own experience and reaction

Think about word cancer and observe for a minute what emotions and thoughts that word brings into your mind? Are you scared? Anxious? afraid?  Or are you pushing it away and don’t even want to think/talk about it? Does it feel like it’s not real?

As uncomfortable this exercise may feel this is a first step to get to know yourself in the face of cancer, and it will help you to understand the behaviours and attitude you may have towards anyone you come across ( including yourself) who is affected by it.

Consider -

• What would a cancer diagnosis mean to me? ( be honest , let your feelings surface.. is it end? Is it a disease that can be cured?)

• Do I have a previous experience with cancer? Myself? My family ?close friends?. Were those experiences peaceful or traumatic? Have you had a chance to process that?

• What language do I use around cancer? When talking about it with others do I say stuff like : ‘cancer is the end of the road’, ‘I would hate to have it’, ‘this is really bad’, ‘there is no way anyone can survive this’. When we use that kind of language around any long term condition it builds a strong belief that will stay with us, and we influence how others think - your children , friends, parents ...etc...

#2 Establish what your position/role is for the cancer patient

If you are professionally involved with cancer, it can be difficult to know where to draw the line when it comes to your loved ones. For me, I needed to establish when it was time to be a coach and when it was time  to be a daughter.

If you are a natural sceptic do not all of the sudden, for the purpose of supporting your loved one, become believer – they know, and they won’t believe you.

It works other way round as well. If you are usually overly positive, saying stuff like : ‘’all will be fine’, ‘I know someone who had this and they recovered in weeks’, ‘don’t worry … I believe all will be ok.’ Hold your thoughts until they are ready to hear it. Hold back from advising but express your feeling and emotions. Stay faithful to yourself and say ‘I am here for you if you need me’. You may be surprised how often they may need this part of you.

Above all else, do not go where you don’t belong. If  you are not a psychologist, therapist, coach, etc don’t feel like you have to be. And  even if you are, you’ll know how difficult is to create the therapeutic space when you are affected yourself.

#3 Build Your Knowledge

Don’t be afraid to go there. There are lots of resources like : Macmillan, cancer research website and many cancer specific sites ( usually run by the specific charities). This will equip you with the confidence that you need as well as help you predict what issues and difficulties they may go through  ( body image, daily functions, stoma, hair loss, radiotherapy burns, inability to speak etc). This will help you plan and be mindful of what may come.

#4 Stay Connected

Above all , there is no better or bigger gift that you may offer to someone going through a cancer experience than being WITH them. If you’re scared and worried, just simply talk about it. Together is easier. You’ll likely both be dealing with the same emotions.

If you recognise that either past experience, or personal beliefs are stopping you from reaching out, or driving unwanted behaviours, seek help for yourself. Work with a therapist, psychologist or a coach to get the help you need, so you can support your loved one in the way you want to.

Cancer. Choosing NOT to suffer.

When experiencing cancer, suffering does not need to be the mode we immediately default to. In fact, suffering needn’t be present at all

 I had a beautiful coaching session recently with my client; a friend that I have been supporting for a few years now. We met due to her previous medical emergency, when we were able to build a strong ability to deal with the unexpected. I used multiple energy healing approaches to help enable her to make peace with her past, and process her own (and ancestral) trauma, which without a doubt had massively impacted her at that time. We concluded our work with a feeling of empowerment and carefully crafted ability to radically accept the situation she found herself in with love, attention and complete surrender.

 Today, life has thrown another experience her way, but this time the threat is stronger. Her recent cancer diagnosis brings with it the reality of her own mortality, and her world has frozen in time. It’s like that: time stops, your senses disappear, voices get muddled, vision tunnelled, and you are momentarily suspended between life and death. Personally, I believe you actually look her in the eye (I like to imagine death being female – it’s my Polish language heritage). When the clock eventually starts ticking again, nothing is like it was before, and life’s meaning has completely changed.

 This is when we find we are all so different. However, suffering does not need be the default mode for any of us.

 My friend - who also has experience of supporting people with cancer - told me, we often think we have some kind of agreement (she’s not sure with whom) that life will go the way we imagine, and when it doesn’t we get frustrated and angry, searching for someone to hold accountable. And so, some of us will try doing anything to reconnect to the life we led before our diagnosis; becoming angry with life, ourselves, the past, the future. We will fight and scream, and often search for the responsible part that broke the ‘contract’ we have with yourself, life, God.

 Then there are those who simply sit with their new reality. They look at it with curiosity and an openness, and trust that their life has changed direction. That they need to simply adapt. No contract or promise has been broken, and that they have no right to complain about it, life is simply what it is, and they will do their best to live it.

 From my experience of working with clients in this situation, I often witness this fear that almost always creeps up, a need to start planning out the immediate future based on past experiences and beliefs.

 My friend cried, “Aga this journey will make me suffer,” a statement that stung me, like a blade, it cut me open and exposed a sudden need to reconnect her to the here and now, to take her away from planning for the future that in her mind was already full of pain and suffering.

 I asked, ‘’Why do you think this new journey will make you suffer?’’ The question threw her. After all, she was already intent on her new reality. A restricted thinking pattern of obviously facing a new struggle. (As if she can predict the future?)

 And then the light came through. She talked of her experience a few days before, when during a physically painful medical procedure, she managed to guide her mind to a place when she felt safe and calm. She managed to go through this procedure with no real sense of suffering. Yes, of course there was physical discomfort, but the point is, the suffering was not there. We both agreed this is the default mode that she should be moving forward with.

 Coaching in cancer is not about goal setting (okay, it is sometimes), but it is actually more about gaining awareness of your own personal default mode; the subconscious one that you are not in charge of changing.

Coaching in cancer is about being able to help you adapt. To enable you to find acceptance that this is your current life and that you will navigate what you are going through the best way you can; with perspective.